the state of me

Okay, my (middle) Austin Powers spy name (thanks E.) is Brave, which sounded kind of boring at first, but after reading the description I do like it and, weirdly, it sort of fits. Something about being the first one to try out a rickety bridge and booby traps ain't no thang for a chick like me.

posted by Alissa @ 3:15 PM

Last night my sister and I went out to dinner and at the table next to us were two people who were pretty obviously out on a first date. And our tables were close enough together that we could easily listen to their conversation if we just sat silently, and say, chewed. Not that it was fascinating conversation and at first all I could think was the guy was waaaay too hairy and when he got up to make a phone call (at the woman's insistence) I wanted to lean over and get a verdict from her. But later on the guy said something about loving his niece and nephew so, and referred to Fraggle Rock and even knew a few lines to the theme song and the chick couldn't really relate to the kid thing, and was apparently too young to remember the Fraggles so I reprimanded myself for my snap judgment.

But here's my point: first dates are awful. I hate first dates with a person who you are basically meeting for the first time. This is why I'd really like it if I could have a great guy friend and then just start going out with him. I want to move from "hanging out" to "going out." Then, when you do have a real date, you can have fun and it's not work.

I am retreating, by the way. Going home for a few days. I've been feeling sh**ty so I am blowing this pop stand (that hasn't been particularly rewarding lately, anyway) and going to let my dog improve my spirits. And the fam taking care of me won't be half bad either. ;)

Question~how many times should a person say no to you (me) before you (I) get the hint and it's just embarrassing that you are (I am) still even calling, even though all you (I) SERIOUSLY want to do is hang out, kick back, joke around and have fun?

posted by Alissa @ 9:16 PM

I keep buying clothes for a life I don't have. I buy nice dresses and skirts to go out to nice dinners, swanky bars, etc., but I don't do that scene. (I'd like to, but the opportunity never presents itself.) I buy punk-y, full of attitude clothes, but can you wear these things to Benningans? To La Tam? Well, yes you can, if you are punk-y and full of attitude, which I am yes, but sometimes--usually--comfort wins out over attitude. Like right now I am wearing my ever-ready, ever-comfortable jean shorts and a loose cotton t-shirt.

And really, sometimes, it all puts me in a horrible mood and I want to take back all the lovely things I bought yesterday because no one seems to care what I wear, it doesn't make a difference in my life, nothing changes, I am still me in jean shorts and a t-shirt.

posted by Alissa @ 12:10 AM

Yesterday morning I got up at 7, I was going to do this whole blog-thing, writing just what I was mulling over at the time which was my younger sister who is visiting me. So I got up, took about a hundred pills (okay, five) went to the bathroom, sat down with my laptop on the futon so I wouldn't bother Em (not to be confused with my friend, E) started the whole thing up and typed one sentence before the weight of the laptop on my stomach filled with only pills began to churn so I closed everything down and went back to bed. Part of the problem is the evening before last I got horrendously sick and I guess I just wasn't ready for pills+laptop weight.

But now I'm not in the whole sister reminiscing mood. Maybe tomorrow.

Right now I feel a bit celebratory because I am no longer a hypocrite. Remember when I mentioned that a while ago? Yeah, I sent Bob some email Sunday night telling him this mess we've been calling a "friendship"--and in his twisted it was a friendship--is over and I no longer want to be in contact with him. Sure, it helps that he moved all the way to P-------. (Like my Victorian novel touch?) I no longer have to see him in group get togethers, "get along" so as not to make waves with mutual friends. It was driving me crazy because I was nice to him to his face but said the worst things (the truth) about him behind his back. It really was the first time I felt as hypocritcal as that. It was the kind of thing that if I observed another woman allowing herself to be treated the way Bob treated me, I'd wonder what the hell was wrong with her, tell her to love herself a little more and consider therapy.

But I'm done with that. This round's on me, a toast to throwing out the garbage. I rock.

posted by Alissa @ 5:12 PM

I just wanted you all to know my Super Villain name is Ghastly Shanks.

Cool, eh?

posted by Alissa @ 12:39 AM