the state of me

My general state, most of the time~

If I could say what I wanna say, I'd say I wanna blow you away, be with you every night, am I squeezing you too tight? If I could see what I wanna see, I'd wanna see you go down on one knee, marry me today. Yes, I'm wishing my life away on these things I'll never say.

Avril Lavigne, "Things I'll Never Say", track 9

posted by Alissa @ 6:11 PM

I am sitting here, listening to the DJ Sammy & Yanou remix of Bryan Adams song, "We're In Heaven." It is MUCH better than the original. I've been listening to it over and over and I mess around with what will turn into my List section. (To your right, in the grey area. Scroll down. Find it?)

I'm reading this book right now, Aimee and it's a rather depressing and dark book about teenagers I'm not sure I even like. And the dark mood of the book invades my life. I feel like I have something nagging at the back of my head, bugging me, worrying me, and then I remember it's the damn book, not my own life. Probably a good sign of good writing, eh? But the next book I read, damnit, it's going to be less disturbing.

posted by Alissa @ 10:29 PM

Blabbity blah. Not a lot to say. I think I am really starting to feel better. Though sometimes I can't tell if I just want to feel better so I think I am, or if I really am. No, I think I am. Because I was feeling about as crappy as crappy gets and dying to feel better a few weeks ago and nothing was happening.

You know how when you have a fight with someone and you go to bed and when you wake up the next morning it slowly dawns on you that you had that fight? It all falls in around you, the look on the other person's face, the things you both said, they fall like clunks around you as you wake up. Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

Yeah.

I have no point today. When I am home, life floats around me.

posted by Alissa @ 3:16 PM

It occurred to me that it sounded sort of egotistical to say, oh yes, my spy name is Brave. Because if I was standing in front of a door and someone said, okay, behind this door is a room full of snakes, go in it, I would freak out. Or rats. Rats would freak me out too. Hmmm. Snakes or rats. Which would I pick? Most likely the rats. Because like Indiana Jones, I really hate snakes. But when I read the rickety bridge thing, I thought, yeah, I'd try the rickety bridge first. Oh yeah, and ghosts too. I am terrified of ghosts. I don't know for sure if they exist--though I am pretty sure they do--because I've never seen one, but I do know I'd probably have a heart attack if I did.

So really, I don't know how brave I am. Just wanted to add that.

posted by Alissa @ 3:10 PM